As Ben Franklin said In wine, there is wisdom, In beer, there is freedom, In water, there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we were to drink one liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia coli (E.coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we would have consumed one kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine and beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor), because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Therefore, remember this when faced with a decision: Water = Poop, Wine = Health The conclusion is obvious: It is better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

Bob's Story Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's in my bowling league." When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "I recognize her; she's the waitress from the golf club." "I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time." Bob's funeral will be on Friday.

Children Writing About the Ocean... (Kelly, age 6) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. ----- (Jerry, age 6) Oysters' balls are called pearls. ----- (Mary, age 7) If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. ----- (Kylie, age 6) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. ----- (Billy, age 8) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. ----- (Millie, age 6) My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. ----- (William, age 7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. ----- (Helen, age 6) Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? ----- (Amy, age 6) I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. ----- (Christopher, age 7) Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. ----- (Kevin, age 6) When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. ----- (Becky, age 8) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. ----- (Julie, age 7) On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. ----- (Bobby, age 6) The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. ----- (James, age 7) My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.

Choosing A Wife A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs. Men are like that, you know.

Confucius Say Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. Man with one chopstick go hungry. Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk. War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it. Man who drive like hell, bound to get there. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot. Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

A Cup Of Tea One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little "tea set" as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought daddy a little cup of "tea", which was just water.  After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mom came home. My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing!" My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up. Then she says, (as only a mother would know) "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

History Of The World Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birthmark. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites. The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They traveled by Camelot. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. David was a Hebrew King who fought the Philatelists. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. The mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Styx until he became intolerable. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who died from an overdose of wedlock. Eventually, the Ramones conquered the Greeks. Nero was a cruel tyrant who tortured his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them. In the Middle Ages, King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings Joan of Arc was canonized by George Bernard Shaw. The Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense. William Tell shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head. In the Renaissance, Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. The painter Donatello's interest in the female nude made him the father of the Renaissance. Guttenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh invented cigarettes, and Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper. Queen Elizabeth's navy defeated the Spanish Armadillo. William Shakespeare wrote about Romeo and Juliet, a romantic couplet. Miguel Cervantes wrote Donkey Hote. John Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then, his wife died, and he wrote Paradise Regained. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was that the English put tacks in their tea. Benjamin Franklin invented electricity by rubbing cats backward. Abraham Lincoln's mother died in infancy. He signed the Emasculation Proclamation. In 1865, Lincoln got shot by an actor in a moving picture. His name was John Wiles Booth. This ruined Booth's career. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees. Bach and Handel were famous composers. Handel was half-German, half-Italian and half-English. Beethoven was so deaf that he wrote loud music. He expired in 1827, and later died from this. Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

How Men can Make a Woman Happy It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be A friend A companion A lover A brother A father A master A chef An electrician A carpenter A plumber A mechanic A decorator A stylist A sexologist A gynecologist A psychologist A pest exterminator A psychiatrist A healer A good listener An organizer A good father Very clean Sympathetic Athletic Warm Attentive Gallant Intelligent Funny Creative Tender Strong Understanding Tolerant Prudent Ambitious Capable Courageous Determined! True Dependable Passionate Compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO Give her compliments regularly Love shopping Be honest Be very rich Not stress her out Not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself Give her lots of time, especially time for herself Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT NEVER TO FORGET: BIRTHDAYS ANNIVERSARIES ARRANGEMENTS SHE MAKES HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked               2. Bring Alcohol

How We Do Laundry in Ohio One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied.. "What does it say on the shirt?" He yelled back, " University of Michigan." She Replied: "Use Hot Water, 1/2 box of Tide and 4 cups of bleach." GO BUCKS!!!!!

Kentucky Life After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy." He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."

Little Johhny Little Johnny's at it again..... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" -------- Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" asked Johhny. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny."Giving up?" -------- The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!" -------- Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture" -------- Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy." Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

Little Known Food Information It's been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish. All before making a human. He made and provided what we'd need before we were born. These are best and more powerful when eaten raw. We're such slow learners... God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body! God's Pharmacy! Amazing! A sliced carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye. And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes. A tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food. Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food. A walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function. Kidney beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys. Celery, bok choy, rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body. Avocadoes, eggplant and pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them). Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility. Sweet potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the index of diabetics. Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries. Oranges, grapefruits, and other citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts. Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

Nobody Is Perfect Each one of us is a mixture of good qualities and some perhaps not-so-good qualities. In considering our fellow man, we should remember his good qualities and realize that his faults only prove that he is, after all, a human being. We should refrain from judgement of a person just because he happens to be a dirty, rotten no-good son-of-a-bitch.

The Psychiatrist and Proctologist... Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors" The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids" This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Catatonics and High Colonics" No go. Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" Thumbs down again. Then came "Minds and Behinds" Still no good. Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" Unacceptable again! So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts" Not a chance. "Nuts and Butts" No way "Freaks and Cheeks" Still no go "Loons and Moons" Forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends" Everyone loved it.

Short Stories Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?" -------- A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?" The father replied.  "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine." -------- "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"   "That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." -------- A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."   "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids." -------- An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."   The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." -------- Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: The DNA all matches. There are no dental records. -------- A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up. -------- Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan." -------- Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." Joe: "Really?" Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell." -------- A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. "I'm OK, but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse. "Oops!" -------- While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one." He's still in intensive care. -------- The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."

The 1st Affair A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.  Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.   The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!" The 2nd Affair A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby." "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" "Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!" The 3rd Affair A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase. "My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!" The 4th Affair A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you," she said, "pretend you're a statue." "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too." No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 AM, the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this, I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing." The 5th Affair A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." "One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel!!" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?'" The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here." The 6th Affair Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess." "There's no need to", his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace." "I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know," she replied, "Now just rest and let the poison work."

The Amazing Human Body It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb). The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb. Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. Women blink twice as often as men. The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain. Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still. If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it. Women reading this will be finished now. Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

The Logical Wife After being married for 40 years, a man took a careful look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 40 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal." "Now I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things." His wife was a very reasonable woman. She told her husband to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that he would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? Thinking about our most recent presidents and candidates, and other notables, we each of them the question: George W. Bush: We really don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There's no middle ground here. John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I'm now against it! Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please? Al Gore: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people. Ralph Nader: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. Colin Powell: To the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road. Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. Rush Limbaugh: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross. Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Alone. Martha Stewart: If the chicken crossed the road on my property, I'd be fully justified in blocking its exit until the local authorities could arrive to arrest it for trespassing. I'm a private person and shouldn't have to be subjected to the "innocent mistakes" of common chickens. The Bible: And God came down from Heaven, and he said unto the chicken: "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing. Dr. Suess: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told! Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Barbara Walters: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road. John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability. Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Voltaire: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it. Captain Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken 2004, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one?